Counting the losses

Mt. Merbabu, a dormant volcano near us.

Always in life there are ups and downs.  Sometimes it feels like we're just stuck in the "lowlands" without a way out.  Other times we're sailing along just fine on a beautiful path with the mountains in front of you, just waiting to be climbed and experienced.  We have surely experienced both.  However, the last month is a month where we can say that we have walked in the valley with no mountains in sight.

As some of you may know, we found out we were expecting our 4th child shortly after we returned to Indonesia.  A little over a month ago, at 4 months pregnant, we lost our precious baby boy, Micah, in a miscarriage.  Our hearts are still broken over this, and we continue to grieve and process the loss.  Here is a loss we weren't expecting, and one we still count almost every day.

We've had some other things that have challenged us physically.  We've been asking "how much do we trust God with our health, safety, and well-being when there is no 911 to call, no ER to go to, or trusted hospital around the corner?".  Counting another loss....good medical care available.

This weekend, Tyler's youngest brother gets married.  We are thrilled for him and his bride-to-be, but sad about missing out on the festivities on such an important day with family.  Counting another loss.

We've been sad a lot in the last month.  We have grieved (still grieving), felt pain, been afraid, and felt disappointment.

Even now, we continue to feel these things.  We may be in the valley for a while, but we do feel Christ walking alongside us, and, if we let Him, He carries our burdens for us.  I sometimes wish things could  be different.  I would take my baby back in a second.  But, I wouldn't change the ways God has met me in the deep, dark places. We know that the pain won't last forever.  We know that the only reason we have hope for anything on this earth is because of our hope in Christ.  We may not feel "happy" all the time, but we don't have to plaster a smile on our face.  We are called to trust the Lord, no matter what comes into our life. We continue to be challenged with just living in Indonesia and all that implies, plus raising our family while studying and doing language learning, and processing everything else.  We appreciate your encouragement, and especially your prayers.

The weather is beautiful here, and as rainy season has ended we can see the mountains that surround us.  Our path, however, is still in the valley, but maybe we'll glimpse the mountains sometime soon.  Meanwhile, we try to rest in the God's love for us, and that He is always good, always kind, and always watching over us.